Level Up

As you fix your old issues the universe is waiting with another. Which will force you to level up.

Its been a beautiful journey and will continue to be as I experience all that is written for me but if you have ever noticed or been on this healing path. You can feel the energy and signs of the event taking place around you that is here to shake an old unhealed part in you, that needs to be worked on. It's gonna feel uncomfortable, you will feel angry and protective and even defensive and eventually for me.

you shed some tears as you realise your work is not done yet and prepare to work on that thing.

So you must be wondering what is it that I need to heal. I am very confident and secure as a person but I've always had issues with my body. I don't hate it but I've been made to believe that this is the reason your unlovable. If you wanna be loved you will have to change this. I am all for it, when I picture the best version of me, I see a fit healthy girl. Which I am but I still have a lot of work to do. Which I will.

The biggest insecurity of ours took birth in our houses from little comments, pointing out, or making jokes. That now we carry in our hearts and like me, many find it extremely hard to let go.

Guys and my body was a talk that made the young girl in me believe that I will never be loved. I'm unlovable and no one will love me if I don't change. but me being me lol I took it as an mmm if you think this threat will make me change then you're so wrong. I didn't change but build a strong wall to protect myself from the hard love that reality I was sold as a young girl.

This isn't true but as I grew up and saw that I was still attractive to guys, the little girl in me got confused. They prob confused, they being nice and aren't interested in me like that, or he doesn't like me, someone can never like/love me. When you can tell the guy likes me with a clear sign. My trauma mind would make me believe otherwise. Which hasn't been a big of a problem as due to having chosen to stay single to work on me I didn't worry too much about this but as I've become more open to the idea of getting to know someone romantically, I see this issue coming up but mostly how it has the power to undo a lot of the self-worth work I've done over the years.

I live with two females as amazing as they are they can have sometimes very outdated and orthodox views on females and their beauty standards. Making it hard sometimes to keep telling myself you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine, you're ugly. It takes no time for my worth in my own eyes to drop and all the other qualities of mine become irrelevant because a female's worth is only if she is beautiful.

That to a certain type of beautiful, to be fair-skinned and thin.

So as we were gathered around the living room talking. Mom popped up a conversation about so and so said to marry me to her son. The young girl in me never thought ill be worthy of marriage, but what's worst is when they show signs of belief and approve a marriage proposal to a guy who intellectually is not of the same caliber and yet find them praising him for me to agree. My heart hurt a little. as I started to question are happy for me to marry someone like him. Is my worth in their eyes this much, cause of my standard of beauty?

As self-doubt begins. maybe they are right. I may. think too much of myself. I might not deserve someone of another level. I should settle. Maybe I am still unlovable.

and here we go again. hahaha, my mind and its endless circle.

but like many times before it's time to pick up the pieces, take a deep breath, and work on this unfinished piece of my past.

The universe tells you to Level up then you level up.